Today we’re incredibly excited to announce an entirely new product from GoSquared – FutureStats.
We’ve been working on our second app for many many months, and we think you’re gonna love the features we’ve been sweating over. FutureStats is the ideal companion to anyone already using LiveStats.
One of the most challenging issues of the web 2.0 era – the traffic spike. Until now it’s been impossible to predict when you’re going to receive your next flood of traffic from Digg, a Fireball, or Twitter. Worry no more.
Twitter Reaction Forecast
Worried that what you’re writing will be controversial, poorly received, or simply just ignored? Find out in advance how the Twitterverse will react to your Site’s content, even if you haven’t written it yet.
Accurately predict the number of new users you’ll receive tomorrow, next week, or next month. Even find out their names and emails before they ever signed up. All you need is FutureStats.
Patent Pending technology to predict the future of your Site’s Stats with 100% Accuracy.
As you may know, dividing by zero can have dangerous, dramatic, and undesirable effects. Don’t believe us? Go and try it out, but don’t write to us if your computer explodes and destroys your entire neighbourhood). At GoSquared we discovered that if we divided by zero under specially controlled conditions, we could create a small but effective wormhole in the fabric of time and space. By maintaining this wormhole in a high-energy plasma state we are able to pass electrical signals between here and any time in the future we wish. And by ensuring that the other end of the wormhole is continuously connected to a high-speed internet connection, we are able to retrieve browsing data for websites at any time in the future.
In order to cover our energy costs, however, we are not able to enter the product into a free beta to begin with*. From today we are introducing a basic plan (two weeks into the future) which starts at $50,000/month, scaling up to our unlimited plan (watch your browsing stats right up to the end of the universe), priced at just $1337bn**.
This, in case you didn’t pick up on it and were blown away by our sudden ability to predict the future, was an April Fools joke. We’ll keep the page online, though, for the memories.